Beware of 2009!!

Honestly, 2009 is officially marked my death year. Like why the hell is everybody going so fast? I LOVE these people and cancer is taking over, and heart attacks, and other diseases and random sicknesses.. What's next, ME? And how exactly will I go? I'm not that easily broken, i give up a mean fight... "Tell me what you got to break down the walls, you just might need dynamite!" Just like Demi.. Life is crap, and if nobody will see this, try witnessing 5-6 deaths this year. I'm sick of it. Yes, this messes me up in so many ways. Mentally and emotionally. It's killing me inside, and NOBODY will see that, nobody can understand the burning pain i feel inside.. If only i can relive the moments i had with my grandfather - priceless. I loved every minute of it, nothing can top that without a doubt. I love(ed) him so much, he WAS my father to me, since my real one just comes and goes like turning seasons. I would do anything to get him back. By the way, today is my grandmothers birthday. Wanna know something? She's dead too! That's my mom's mom. My grandmother! Jeanette Lynch..amazing. I'm tired of the trial-and-error method. I give up, i'm in no control of what the Lord will hit my family with next. I love them, they sorta love me i guess.. They are a part of me and who i am. Pull through daddy! Don't give up on me, be strong for me..please.