Old Smiley, Welcome Back!

Back to normal baby! I love it! I know why, won't state it out loud. Lunch was SO FREAKIN HOT YO! Dudes feenin but can't get it, so sorry cuz i got it you can't have it! I'm so..well not happy, but smug. Life treatin me good again. But seriously though, i gotta learn to stop being so sensitive and be...DARING. Imma make the last three days at school enjoyable. 13 in about 2 weeks and I'm scared to death of being a teenager. Do you know how many body changes are gonna start now? Well hey, about 4-5 more years and i will be SATISFIED. So excited..so forget all the things i was sayin at the beginning of the week. I turned a new page, and imma turn it up. Top 5 songs that i dedicate to you: I May Never Find-CB (the only song that will actually make me cry because it's true), Down-CB, Whose Girl Is That-Cb, Right Now-DK, Weak-SWV. But mostly i may never find because it makes me cry..don't know why. So much stuff to get off my chest. Can't sleep at night..don't know how much i can take. And then the winter vacation. Sigh..everything is gonna build up, watch. All i can say is don't be afraid to talk to me. I wanna know why CERTAIN people always get nervous around me. I don't even do nothing. I'm just me. So like don't be afraid to kick it with me. Talk to me every now and then, heart to heart. A lot of things peeps should know i love honesty and sweetness. No fakes no dubbs. Keep it 100. And have a sense of humor. Don't be so nervous, i like to vibe and see the real you. Don't be so shy. Love those who are close, keep it 100, and Yaz has love for you.

"New Smiley"

Sadly won't be in school tomorrow, know you'll miss me. :P My mood went from kinda happy, annoyed, insulted, then straight up pissed all because of you. Why you make fun of me, i don't know. Starting not to care because you will be sorry. I find it funny how you want me to come to school tomorrow, but you make fun of me like there's no tomorrow. Why do i hang out with you? I don't know. Why i allow you to treat me this way? I don't know. Why you want me to show up for school tomorrow? You just wanna insult me as always and why should i make you feel better while hurting me? Does it make you to feel good, cuz that's all i wanna know. What did i do to you? If it's about what i said about Shy or Serod, it's not that deep. They have nothing to do with you and it doesn't interfere with anything. You asked me a question and i answered you truthfully. Isn't that what you wanted? Like i said before, you need to figure out what you want. You are not the same person that i loved so much back in sixth grade. What happened to you? It's like you've changed. You went from totally selfless, nice, sweet, down to earth Smiley to insulting, rude, and mean Smiley in an instant. What's going on with you? Talk to me because you never do. We haven't had a honest deep conversation since sixth grade. I can't believe middle school got to you. I always knew this would happen. "The New Smiley." And guess what? I'm not liking her as much if you've noticed. I still love you so much, but...you're different.

Mixed Feelings Sometimes..

It hurts sometimes ya know? It's like you try, to fail. I shut my mouth try not to comment, but you crackin on me in front of people and that's not even cool. Why? You say you're like my sister, or that i love you, you're my bestie, yet you turn around and do some mess like this. There's a clear line between being funny, joking around, or just going overboard. I don't even goof around like that anymore! What the hell is your problem?! Yes, it hurts don't you see that? Then you WANT stuff from me. You need to figure things out for yourself. What exactly do you want? But if i say something, i am way outta line right? Oh, and that mess you pulled about how i never apologize is complete BULL CRAP! Remember over the summer? With the whole lying and Tayler thing? Who exactly apologized? Um, ME. When i hurt your feelings, what do i say besides I'm sorry. So let's be real here, i NEVER APOLOGIZE. Get out my face with that crap. You were the one who told me i say "I'm sorry" too much. And I'm sorry for whatever, rather i hurt your feelings, or crossed a line. Whatever! But you can never say i never say sorry. I'm not angry with you, but you really make me feel unappreciated sometimes. You have some weird sides to you. But can i ask one favor? Can you show the sides i love the most? Cuz I'm a little heart broken right now. And best believe, I STILL LOVE YOU BESTIE. I don't give up that easy.

I May Never Find..

Today was live, just like Friday. For many reasons, but.. This is hard. So the only way i can fully get my feelings out is through songs. Writing songs are kinda boring for me, singing them with feeling, not so much. That's so easy! I've been singing since age 4 without classes and to have a voice this good without classes is a gift for me. At least i have some kind of talent, something that makes me look good. I don't sing in public, but if you catch me in my room, you hear an angel. To sing with that much emotion in me is just..hard because it can only explain how i feel at the moment. I feel smug, happy, and dreamy right now. I'm in my faraway place so what else can you ask for? Songs of the day: I May Never Find- Chris Brown, Weak- SWV And just remember, "Oh baby wuz yo name?" :-P

My Brown Skin Girl..

Thinking back, i have hurt one of the most important people in my life hundreds of times..And it's crazy how i had the chance to get so many chances for me not to screw it up again. If it was up to me, i would've slapped me across the face and said "Goodbye, just LEAVE" But they didn't, and that says a lot about that person.. See i have low tolerance unless well you know, you're special, but other than that..LEAVE. But wow.. So all i have to say is..I am so sorry. I have hurt you countless times, and taking things out on you for absolutely no reason? Uh, no that just doesn't cut it for me. I can't believe i was hurting you, and me for pointless reasons. How idiotic of me to act so foolish. Saying sorry doesn't make it ok. I say that just a little too much and one day, i really will be sorry. It's just, my family has screwed me up in so many ways, and next thing you know i hurt the people around me. So please don't feel unappreciated because that's so not the case. You are like one of the best friends, best sah Smiley i have ever had in my life! You are the only person i can talk to and you listen and care. So yeah you the "best i ever had." So these songs are dedicated to you look them up.. Brown Skin Girl- CB, Take My Time CB.. Love you Smiley!

YUP!

:-*! Nuff said! Nah, but seriously.. Finally! After the dude ranch, graduation, the long and lonely summer, I'M HAPPY. I GOT IT! Ideas man! Whooo! You have no idea! Soo happy, and this is like the ultimate innie so if you don't know that's your problem isn't it? But wow..hm. Nice day today, odee live. I'm happy, soo it is what it is. Song of the day (3) Weak- SWV, Take My Time- Chris Brown ft. Tank, Brown Skin Girl- Chris Brown ft. Rock City & Sean Paul.. Yep, that's how much of a mood i'm in! Duces! :-*(Mwaaaaaaah) Dew- the one you know who loves...

Lost Without You

My hair is finally straight again. Which is good is some ways, bad in others..rather not talk about it. Two topics of the day-Emptiness & Anger Management. OK, so you know that feeling when you don't see like one of the most special people in your life, and you just feel lost and empty without them. I had that feeling today. Not for the first time, but it felt like it because every moment feels like the first. You get so used to a person and to not see them for a few days feels weird. Question is, does that person feel the same way? Well, anger management is not very easy to deal with. The thing is for me is that once you get me mad, imma stay mad the whole day so just forget about it. People don't realize i bite my tongue to save you from the embarrassment I'm trying so hard not to provide for you, yet you keep drolling on about one subject i can really care less about! Not only do you look stupid, you just gave me the benefit of the doubt. Now are you happy? When people wanna curse me out, i sit there and listen. If only they knew how ridiculous they sounded from the other end. Like I've been saying, go on ahead and nag your head off because you're only hurting yourself in the long run!Dust your shoulders off, keep it real. Stay cool, calm and collective.

Um..Bringing Sexy Back? Maybe..

Got my new nerd glasses and all that good stuff. Rather not talk about family, not really feeling it..not liking them very much. OMG! It's snowing outside! For the first time this year it is snowing. Or as John would call it "Frozen pee is falling from the sky." Anyways, I've been looking on point lately. "I'm bringing sexy back" like JT. Loving it! Found out many things.. 1. Big Mike likes me! Whoa whoa whoa, Mike? Lil munchkin Mike? But why? 2. My bestie told my secret that I've been holding since 5th grade? I heard it from Kiara and i don't really appreciate that she knows that one little detail about me. Not even cool. That can expose things and ruin my rep! Smh.. of course i deny it! Like what the heck do i look like anyways.. and 3. Today is Lisa's birthday woo! How nice! Amiya has experienced her mommy's first birthday and she's only a week old! Aw!--Sigh..life is life. Can't love it, can't hate it. Hate my house, rather be at school 24/7 but whatever..Gotta be happy. Trying anyway.. Love my lil big sis as always, love my baby cousin, love my new glasses, love me!